To the Pain

To the Pain

Okay, I was going to start a category devoted to dealing with migraines. I was actually thinking of calling it “losing time,” which is exactly how I feel during an attack. During one, I can’t do anything. I stay huddled in a room. I can’t read, can’t work, can’t really watch TV, can’t really tolerate loud sounds, can’t stand overhead lighting. Nothing. I’m just there like a lump, losing time. If I’m lucky, I’m tolerating the pain and not feeling the world is spinning around and making me want to hurl. That’s it.

There have been times when oral pain relievers aren’t enough and I ask my sister to bring me to the ER for a shot of something stronger. That helps.

So, this is what migraine is like for me. Or, at least it was. For the last year and a half, it’s been pretty good. Attacks have become rarer. Where once I used to have them twice a month, lasting anywhere from 4-6 days each time. Now, I have them less than half that, for shorter durations, and sometimes, lower intensities.

That is, until five weeks ago.

That’s actually six weeks ago now. It started over a weekend so, it’s a bit difficult to be exact. I had a headache on a late Saturday afternoon, thought nothing of it, took a pill, slept it off, rested Sunday, and was never heard from again for the rest of the week. Pretty much.

You see, denial was at work here. I kept saying to myself, I’ll pop a pain pill and lie down and it’ll go away. When it doesn’t, I’ll pop a stronger pain pill, lie down, and so on. Two doctors and four weeks later, I’m back on maintenance migraine pills.

The lesson: I don’t hate migraine. I hate what I lose because of it. It kills my life. I have a simple one to begin with, I hate to be robbed of it nevertheless. I have a pretty high pain toletance but I’ll never play “to the pain” with any disease. I’ve long ago learned my lesson. Besides, life’s too short. I can dare pain in other areas of my life. But first, I have to be able to get out bed to do it.


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