Everyday Uncommon

An Old Post

I’m putting up something from my old blog. It seems timely that I read it once again this morning. I’ve been feeling a bit crappy about a few things lately and as healthy as I’d like to think my ego is and as much as I remind myself of the things that really matter, at the end of it all, we all need some validation. That’s just the plain truth of it.

I remember describing how I feel about some of the athletic pursuits that I’ve gotten into; two in particular, rowing and running. Last night I read an interview my sister gave about how she felt about running, and there it was. Hmm… Not that I had them patented or anything. In a world where I’m mostly invisible, I really ought to be used to it by now.

I will be at peace with it somehow. In a little bit. When I’m feeling less like crap (physically) and when I can run again.

Here’s just one incarnation of that particular description. I read earlier and it made me feel better. Maybe I’ll read it again and shelve my bruised ego.

Tuesday, September 30,2008

Survival

I survived another long run last Sunday. I say ‘survived’ because I seem to be chipping away at me as I’m building myself up. Bear with me. I hope to make sense further down the line. Sure, there is the sense of accomplishment at the end of it–it was a challenge after all, a somewhat long, slow, and grueling one–but over all, I just feel tired.

Maybe I’m close to burning out, at least that’s what my friend says. That’s why my taper will start a week earlier than planned. It may also be due to the all the jobs I’m juggling on top of training, and the stresses of home. I’m just being a whiner about this whole thing. I’m sure others have had it a lot harder. And I’m sure I’ve handled worse, so I know what I have to do–suck it up!

I started my run mid-afternoon. The threat of rain later on in the evening prompted me to go out and try to get it done earlier.  The weather was weird, it was drizzling when I walked out the door, hot and sunny by the time I hit 3k, it stayed that way till just about 5:00 p.m. To be honest, I had a miserable start. As I was about to hit 10k, I really wanted to go home and quit–I used the q word again, it’s becoming a habit.

Anyway, there was one really good thing about last Sunday. As I was about three quarters of the way done, this U2 song came on my playlist, one that I haven’t listened to while running–actually, I haven’t had the chance to really listen to this particular track, perhaps a couple of times in passing–and so the the lyrics came on and slowly, completely, took me in:

take these shoes
click clacking down some dead end street
take these shoes
and make them fit

-I’m thinking, how fitting.

take this shirt
polyester white trash
made in nowhere
and make them clean, clean

-Again, I thought to myself,  I so agree!

take this soul
stranded in some skin and bones
take this soul
and make it sing

-Still good.

Yahweh, Yahweh
always pain before a child is born
Yahweh, Yahweh
still I’m waiting for the dawn
take these hands
teach them what to carry
take these hands
don’t make a fist
take this mouth
so quick to criticize
take this mouth
give it a kiss
Yahweh, Yahweh
always pain before a child is born
Yahweh, Yahweh
still I’m waiting for the dawn
still waiting for the dawn, the sun is coming up
the sun is coming up on the ocean
his love is like a drop in the ocean
his love is like a drop in the ocean
Yahweh, Yahweh
always pain before a child is born
Yahweh, tell me now
why the dark before the dawn?
take this city
a city should be shining on a hill
take this city
if it be your will
what no man can own
no man can take
take this heart
take this heart
take this heart
and make it break

I don’t know if I can describe the feeling accurately. I’ll just describe how I was and deduce what you can from there. I was crying like an idiot as I ran. Leaking like a faucet. Trying desperately not to scrunch my face up and failing fantastically. Laughing and crying with joy and relief and gratitude and shame. It felt like I was going to church, worshipping, or talking to God in a way I haven’t in a long, long time; in the way I’ve been trying to capture in my running how I was able to in my rowing. It was like saying hello to an old friend.

By the way, I really thought those things I wrote by the lyrics as I heard them but I don’t remember at which point I started blubbering. Also, I passed a group of people as I was going through all this and looking back, they must have thought I was in tears because I was in so much pain from the long run (some of them have seen me going ’round for hours).

I’m not a religious person but I believe in God. It’s nice to bump into him in that way occasionally.

Posted by honeytonguedharpy at 10:27 AM

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