I need to be a better actor.
This is the analogy I’m using.
In life, I suppose we all have our roles to play, particularly in family dramas. I need to have a better understanding of mine so I can play it better. Not so that I can play to type or against it, but just so that I won’t have to struggle too much to fit into something others will never see me as anyway—to be me but keep it to myself if I have to or to leave it to others to make the effort to discover or understand.
I’m tired of trying to explain myself. It just leads to heartache.
These are some new guidelines I’m going to try:
Smile when I can.
Be there for the people who matter to me.
Withdraw when somebody hurts me. At least for a while. I’m too tired to fight back.
I’m obviously having a bit of a pity party. Good thing it’s only for one.